My Six-Year Hiatus

The last post on this website is dated 2018. That’s six long years ago.

In addition to not posting here, I also stopped presenting for the most part. People kept attributing my stepping back to being a “busy mama.” But the simple truth is that I ran out of gas. I became weary, like we all are prone to at intervals throughout our lives.

That, and I began feeling as if my words and knowledge didn’t matter. I felt as if the time for people to care what I thought or knew had expired. I’ve always considered myself an optimistic cynic—I see life with hope, but I’m also always cynical because I know how hurtful and discouraging life can be. And that feeling of invisibility and weariness took its toll.

There were also other circumstances that seemed contradictory, almost paradoxical. While the world reeled from having to be at home all the time during the pandemic, I felt as if my world hadn’t changed because I had worked from home since 2002, long before it was even a thing. Despite being accustomed to working from home, it was a substantial shift for me to work while supervising four children aged 7, 8, 9, and 11 with their virtual classes and dealing with some major life changes. 

When the pandemic slowed down and everyone went back to work and school, I found myself lonely and feeling even more invisible with no one at home around me anymore (well, other than my pets). It didn’t help that I was dealing with some of the most difficult personal struggles of my life. I’ve journaled, albeit inconsistently. I’ve gained weight, lost weight, and gained it back. I’ve poured my heart out to people who cared and to those who didn’t. I’ve traveled to places I only dreamed about. I’ve been ghosted and I’ve ghosted others. I’ve dealt with breakdowns and with constant rebuilding of myself. I’ve dealt with grief, cruelty, betrayal, abuse, and hatred—and also with love, hope, unconditional support, and compassion.

I have come to realize that nothing really resonates with my spirit more than writing. I bask in scribbling my thoughts and then sculpting these random thoughts into somewhat understandable statements, and then coming back to read them at a later time. Whether people agree with me or not isn’t the goal. My writings are how I try to better understand people and ultimately my own place in this confusing world.

It’s good to be back.